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In many cases, the void that people feel is caused by a feeling of separateness – a feeling that we don’t belong and aren’t acceptable.
When men act out in whatever way they act out, you’ll find what I just described at the heart of the matter: a deep feeling of separateness, insignificance and undesirability.
There are times where one person will get their act together because they’re afraid to lose something good or they’re determined to win something good.
But I can’t think of a time where the insecurity of one partner inspired a change in the other partner.
If you want the relationship to move forward, find deeper areas where you can reach him and inspire him.
and maybe learn something valuable about your guy in the process (maybe some need that he still needs met).
Some people have voids inside them and they forever try to fill them – with having other people desire them, with sex, with power, with money, etc.
and the moment you start bluffing about how much you’re willing to tolerate, he knows you’ll tolerate just about anything. Because if you’re afraid enough to lie about your limits, then it’s pretty likely that you don’t actually have limits you’re willing to enforce. Fear that this guy is the one true love of their life.
Do you know what’s at the core of why women put up with behavior they find unacceptable? The reality of it is that if you want to mentally and emotionally be in a place where you have any say in your relationship, you have to diminish your fear of loss.
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The fact is, this whole pattern of people projecting a fantasy version of someone onto the actual person is ludicrous.